8.45am on 2007 Mothers' Day, dad called... i was still sleeping. i tot i was dreaming but i was not. Try to continue my sleep and hope that it was a dream but it wasn't. i cannot close my eye, so i got up and told jacky i need to go to my cousin's hse immediately. Reaching my uncle's place, i could hear laughter from my little cousins. again, i hope i heard wrongly from dad but i didn't.
my aunt told me the whole incident. Grandma wake up at 6.30am and couldn't catch her breathe. they fetch her to the hospital and her breathing stop on the way to the hospital with her eye looking up and her tongue sticking out. reaching the hospital, young uncle also reach. he is a doctor. he uses whatever in the hospital to save grandma. they still see her weak pulse on the monitor but she couldn't be saved. she passed away around 7.05am. her body was clean-up and brought back to my uncle's hse already in the coffin around 2pm. she did mention previously that she wanted a christian funeral like grandpa's. everything was set-up so fast, the tent, the tables the chairs and pastor was also arranged for that 2 nites for services. it wasn't a very sad environment, with the music playing at the back, everything was quite calm. later in the evening all families members reached. all the way from SIN and Jakarta.
2 days ago, grandma went for a kidney dialysis. the whole thing went quite smoothly. she could walk, she could talk, she could bathe herself and she could take her food. until the night before, she started to vomit her food and couldn't eat. they gave her panadol and she fall asleep soundly. but the next morning....still.. i thank God that she passed away peacefully without any suffering. her best friend's children called my uncle, their mom also pass away the same day at 6.30am.
I keep on walking to grandma to have a good look at her. my biggest regret is to listen and doing things that i don't believe. i didn't get to celebrate grandma's last bday because it was a day after my wedding. PIL said that "pantang" to celebrate 2 good occasions together. i hate myself, i hate myself for listening.. i hate myself for doing it. i hate myself that i didn't do what i am suppose to do... to follow my heart. i hate myself alot. i had missed her last bday celebration. i should had go and served her tea replacing the tea ceremony that she had missed on my wedding day. and now i had missed mothers' day celebration with grandma. we are suppose to celebrate with all mothers in the family.
all i could do is to walk to her and look at her face with full of regrets. i can't even touch and hug her now. i wanted to look at her more but my vision keep on getting blurrer and blurrer. tears is flooding in my eyes everytime i look at her. she wore a nice princess dress (like wedding gown) one hand holding a fan another hand holding a handkerchief. she was covered with a clothe with a cross sew on top. she really look like a princess.
we put her there for 2 days and then, we send her back to yong peng for burial. her coffin was place beside grandpa and we sang her a song and end with a prayer. i believe grandma is happy and relieve.
Dear Grandma,
In this world full of sorrow,
We still live today and tomorrow,
Now that God has asked for you,
You'll be in a place so new.
No more sadness no more tears,
with your husband you'd miss all these years,
You're in God's hand we'll be at ease,
Grandma may you rest in peace.
~513~
0 comments:
Post a Comment